There is no one that knows more than me when it comes to dating here in San Diego. I am lucky enough to hear both the success as well as the horror stories from men and women dating in America’s Finest City. After years of matchmaking success as well as hundreds of hours spent coaching singles to be the best version of themselves, I have come up with 4 guidelines to follow when dating here in San Diego.
Number 1: Take Your Time Really Getting to Know Someone
Don’t rush into anything, especially not on a first date. Do not have sex with a person you want to get to know better on the first date. I repeat, do not, under any circumstances, have sex with a person you just met for the first time on the first date. San Diego is too small to leave pieces of yourself with everyone you feel an initial spark with. Time reveals a person and you can only truly get to know a person while having multiple face to face conversations together. You can see their body language and hear the tone of their voice, you can tell if they are hiding something or being totally transparent. Pay attention, not to what they are saying but what actions they take. Are they engaged in what you are saying or just nodding their head in agreement while secretly picking their fantasy baseball lineup? Don’t let their charm and strikingly good looks fool you. Take your time letting the relationship unfold and do not rush into sex just because you feel an instant connection.
Number 2: Craft Beer Makes for an Interesting First Date
San Diego is known for several things: sunshine, beautiful people, beaches, the nation’s best ballpark and craft beer! We take craft beer seriously here, so it is common to have a first date at Stone or Coronado or Karl Strauss Brewery. Beer pairs well with everything and you can share a flight, trying each other’s pick while taking in the craft beer atmosphere of leashed dogs and hipster moustaches and hats. Most breweries have board games you can play together and some even have outdoor bocce ball and indoor corn hole. But beware of the beer burps! I have successfully mastered the art of silently side burping and blowing it out of the direction of my date without skipping a beat.
Brewery first dates can be very revealing as well. If your date can’t hold their beer on a first date they most likely can’t hold their beer in general. Over indulgence and lack of self-control are red flags when meeting someone new. Learning from our mistakes so we don’t repeat our past signifies dating intelligence. Don’t keep dating the same type of person expecting a different outcome.
Number 3: San Diego is Too Small for Online Dating Apps
One of the great things about San Diego is that it is a small big city. We are truly separated by 2 degrees of separation, everyone knows everyone here. Great for meeting new friends organically, not so great for the recycled world of online dating apps. You may be so busy swiping left that you barely take time to notice who you are discounting. But there is a flip side, that person may recognize you. Maybe he knows you from the gym or your work building, maybe you have mutual FB friends and you start appearing top of the suggested friend food chain in his feed. You could be at a business networking event and see three or four real life Match profiles from across the room. Now what, you want him and everyone he is talking to knowing you’re single? You’re fine with having a handful of pics and your personal details for any random creeper on the same app as you to see and screen shot? Let me tell you from personal experience it is uncomfortable, and it’s even weirder if they start talking to you like they know you. No random POF dude, we never connected online for a reason; no Sally McStalkerson, we can’t meet for coffee at my favorite coffee roasters.
Number 4: Beware of Ghosts
Finding an authentic and genuine person can be a challenge here. We have so many people who come out for the Holiday Bowl and then decide they want to be a San Diegan. When they get here they are often conflicted between who they were back in Pennsylvania and who they want to be on the left coast. Not everyone, but most have a tough time just being themselves. A person can only pretend to be something they are not (single, widowed, employed, rich, etc.) for so long, the truth often catches up when they least expect it. Some ghost you before you figure it out, some ghost you once they realize you won’t be falling for the banana in the tail pipe. Don’t take the ghosting personal, it may sting a bit when it happens but in the end they truly did you a favor. And for the record, this is not a SoCal trait. It is my opinion that this is another by product of online dating tomfoolery.